In A Single Action
by SwailaThorneBaflow
Summary: If I had a time turner... it would all be different.


"Good _Lord_! What is it!?" I yanked my arm away from her pulling down my sleeve.

"What's what? Are you alright? Here let me get you the blanket." I proceeded to do so, and wrapped it around her soaking wet shoulders, even though I could have used it myself. I didn't go to hold her in my arms again.

"I'm fine, but what was that… _thing_ on your arm?" The look of utter horror in her bright green eyes pierced me to the heart. I couldn't look into them, so I looked to her forehead instead, so that she would think I was still looking into her eyes as I lied to her.

"It's nothing. Really." I looked down and reached for her small hand, closing my long fingers around it. She'd always said I'd make a fine musician with my hands, but my forte was not in music but in potions and defence against the dark arts, and more recently, the dark arts themselves. "Are you sure you're alright? I'm sorry I didn't get to you faster, I wasn't expecting you to fall off there into the water. I wish I'd have come out dancing instead of sitting beneath the tree like an idiot. God, I'm so sorry." She'd tried to convince me to come dance with her, to put aside my books and "live a little" was how she put it. I didn't think I'd be able to match up to her, what with her fiery hair in the sunlight, and her sundress twirling with her perfect body… And then lanky me, with my black hair and big nose… Standing next to that angel, I'd look a fool, not that I looked less a fool any other time with her, but, I suppose, part of me just wanted to watch her. But then she'd slipped off the edge of the rock face, and into the lake. I couldn't get up fast enough and throw myself into the water below to help her. She couldn't swim. I knew that. I'd been meaning to teach her, but… other things had gotten in the way recently.

She wasn't listening. "Tell me what that is on your arm, and don't tell me nothing. I know I saw something!" Her fingers slid between mine and held my hand fast. Her entire body was shaking. I couldn't help myself. I tried to reach my arm around her, but she jerked away - another stab in the heart. I was losing her every day. More and more, every single day, she was drifting away from me… and I'd been foolish… I'd taken drastic measures… Such a fool. "Tell me." She was firm in her demand, unrelenting, just like a doe: stubborn and almost angry, but at the same time, more beautiful than anything any man could ever imagine.

I could be just as stubborn though, and I would not - _could_ not tell her about it. "God, I just saved your life! Does it matter that much?" I turned away from her so I wouldn't have to see her reaction, I could just hear it, and that would be enough. She wasn't just slipping through my fingers anymore… I'd somehow been pushing her away. Why? I didn't know… I might have been trying to protect myself… What a fool I was…

"If it is what I think it is… Yes, it does matter _that much_." She almost said it through her teeth, she was getting angrier with me… and I didn't know how to stop it. Whenever I tried to stop it, I just seemed to make matters worse, as was this case. I chose to ignore what she'd said. "The silent treatment, is it? What is wrong with you lately? It's like you're a different person half of the time! I don't even know you anymore!"

"What do you mean _I'm _different? _I'm_ not the same person? _You_ don't know _me_ anymore? I haven't changed, you have. Ever since that… That pureblood boy got to you. That Gryffindor."

"And what's wrong with _that Gryffindor_? How is _he_ changing me?" We were spitting fire at this point, something was going to catch aflame at this rate.

"Oh, how's he changed you? Well, for one, you _used_ to spend more time with me -"

"Jealous, are we now?"

"Why would I be jealous of _him_? _He_ has to deal with _you_." I automatically wanted to snatch back my words. I wanted a time turner to go back an hour, and go dancing with her instead of just watching, and not have to jump in after her, and not reveal the mark on my arm, and not say those words I'd just said.

She was silent for a moment, as was I. My whole world stood still as I felt her tearing out of my life. The only sound was a bird somewhere in the woods, singing to mock me.

"Well if _that's_ the way you feel." She quickly released my hand and started to get up.

"Wait! No! I didn't mean that!" I grabbed her wrist so that she wouldn't leave.

"Let go of me Severus!"

"No! I'll show you! Please don't go!" She hesitated and I stood beside her. Shoulder checking, I rolled up my left sleeve to reveal the mark that she'd seen there. The Dark Mark, branded on my skin, marking me for what I had chosen to become.

She jumped back a bit, and stared at me angrily, her green eyes boring into me. "How _could_ you? How could you join that _monster_! I'd hardly call him a wizard at all! How _could_ you betray us like this, Sev? How could you betray _me_ like this?"

"Please, Lily! I thought… I didn't… It's that Potter's fault!"

"How is it James' fault?! He didn't force you to go to that murderer and ask to join his band of… of… beasts! He didn't lead you to He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named!"

He might as well have, I thought, but I could say no more to her, she wouldn't have listened to me anyway. It was Potter who had tormented me for whatever reason. Potter who was taking her from me. Potter… who was going to win her in the end. I'd thought that I could perhaps win her over if she saw that I was more powerful, quicker, more determined, more desperate for her… but my desperate measures went too far… She wouldn't have anything to do with me now. "Lily… I'm sorry… if I could take it back-"

"Save your breath." And she turned to leave. Not five steps away she stopped and shrugged the blanket off her shoulders, "Keep your filthy blanket, you murderer." She never spoke another word to me.

It wasn't too long after that, Lily Evans became Lily Potter, and she had that boy, that son of Potter's… Harry… And then she was gone… Gone forever. Not just gone from me, but gone from the world, and I can't help but feel now, that I could have done something to save her, like we were back in that spring when she danced and fell into the lake… I was able to save her then, why not that night that when the Dark Lord Voldemort invaded her home and took not only her life, but mine. She was my life… And then all I had left of her was that boy… But in order to see her eyes in him, I had to pass his father's image as well. He should have been mine. Should have been my image… but I made that horrible mistake, and lost her forever.

If I could take it back, I would, but time keeps turning forward.


End file.
